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Author Topic: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking  (Read 37330 times)

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Offline Reenie

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #24 on: Tuesday 02 June 2009, 2006 »
Sybil Kaporty.

pmsl.
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.

Offline Tecsyn

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #25 on: Saturday 13 June 2009, 1613 »
Did I mention my barbecued pumpkin recipe....

Offline Mab y Mynydd

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #26 on: Saturday 13 June 2009, 2141 »
I have tried to warn you all about Porty for years.  Did you listen?  Did you bollox.  Now look where we're at.

Offline Porty

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #27 on: Sunday 14 June 2009, 1535 »
I have tried to warn you all about Porty for years.  Did you listen?  Did you bollox.  Now look where we're at.

What did you tell them well whatever it was they seem to like me.

Offline tulip

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #28 on: Monday 15 June 2009, 1119 »
I have tried to warn you all about Porty for years.  Did you listen?  Did you bollox.  Now look where we're at.
From now on i will listen to your old and wise advise...
Darogan Mertin Dyuad Breyenhin o Gymru werin o gamhwri. Dywawd derwyton dadeni haelon o hil Eryri...

Offline Trefignath

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #29 on: Monday 15 June 2009, 1539 »
I have tried to warn you all about Porty for years.  Did you listen?  Did you bollox.  Now look where we're at.
From now on i will listen to your old and wise advise...


Good thinking Tulip. Not only is the advice sound -- it's also free.
Not waiting for the others.

Offline Porty

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #30 on: Monday 15 June 2009, 1548 »
Free it will always cost you a pint even when i phone him.

Offline Porty

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #31 on: Thursday 24 June 2010, 1646 »
Well with this nice weather we've been having any of you lot having any BBQ'S.

Offline Trefignath

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #32 on: Thursday 24 June 2010, 1705 »
What's a BBQ?

Anything to do with B & Q?
Not waiting for the others.

Offline Mab y Mynydd

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #33 on: Friday 25 June 2010, 1437 »
It's a system of cooking and eating outdoors, Tref.  It is usually done to the accompaniment of swarms of wasps emulating the sound of vuvuzelas and trying to poke you with stinging stuff.  It's Man's way of defying thousands of years of the development of urbanity, sophistication and indoor comfort and convenience.  It helps us to pit our wits against Nature and to enjoy the  benefits of making do without those clever devices that we took so long to develop into almost perfection.

Offline Trefignath

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #34 on: Friday 25 June 2010, 1733 »
Like central heating and flushing loos?
Not waiting for the others.

Offline Che Guevaras Flip Flops

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #35 on: Friday 25 June 2010, 1842 »
Rubbish!

Real Man's Guide To BBQ.

Have a few beers friday night.  Decide to have BBQ following afternoon. Inform drinking buddies.
Get up saturday.  Have breakfast.  Wach Sky Sports news..  Inform wife about midday just as she's about to tell you that she wants to go to Chester shopping.
Find ice pack for black eye whilst surrendering bank card to wife.
Have a beer.
Have another beer.
Welcome sweating wife back from Tescos.
Have a beer.
Set up BBQ.
Place entire packet of zip firelighter inside a mound of charcoal.
Soak liberally with petrol (BBQ lighter fluid is for wimps).
Add more petrol ensuring some splashes on arms, T Shirt etc. Face optional.
Have a beer.
Have another beer.
Add more petrol.
Place hand in BBQ with a lighter.
Ignite.
Calm hysterical wife and neighbours whilst removing smouldering T shirt with blistered hands.
Have a beer
Try to find cats which were last seen heading for the hills.
Have a beer.
Start cooking steaks.  BBQ should at this stage be glowing white-hot, with 5 foot flames and an aroma of unleaded.
Cook steaks thoroughly (about 10 seconds each side for well-done)
Have a beer.
Blame appalling quality of the charcoal and contaminated perol for the shoddy appearance of and ghastly taste of the food.
Also blame wife for getting meat from Tescos instead of Morrisons "send a woman to do a mans job" etc etc usually works.
Throw food away and send wife to Price's for cod and chips.
Rebuff all criticism from wife with "Let's see you do better next time smart arse".
Have a beer.
Accept praise from drinking buddies with grace. Assure them it was nothing.
« Last Edit: Friday 25 June 2010, 1858 by Che Guevaras Flip Flops »

Offline Mab y Mynydd

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #36 on: Sunday 27 June 2010, 1051 »
Good advice Che ......... but I can't afford Sky Sports.

Offline Shell

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #37 on: Sunday 27 June 2010, 1342 »
Anyone thinking of having a BBQ today should take great care.  It's blowing a hoolie out there and your sausages and burgers will be blown to places as far as Llanerchymedd.  And watch out for blowback when you're lighting the damned thing.  Position it away from, not into the hurricane.

Offline Mab y Mynydd

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #38 on: Sunday 27 June 2010, 1430 »
Are we still on BBQs?

Offline Trefignath

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #39 on: Sunday 27 June 2010, 1438 »
Good advice Che ......... but I can't afford Sky Sports.


But you can afford to buy Porty pints of Kronenberg  I hear.
Not waiting for the others.

Offline Porty

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #40 on: Sunday 27 June 2010, 2022 »
Good advice Che ......... but I can't afford Sky Sports.


But you can afford to buy Porty pints of Kronenberg  I hear.


No he moans about that aswell.

Offline Mab y Mynydd

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #41 on: Tuesday 29 June 2010, 1238 »
Ingrate.

Offline Lizzie

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #42 on: Tuesday 29 June 2010, 1355 »
We went to a very nice barbecue on Saturday at my son's in Finsbury Park, after a long traffic jam on the North Circular, his MinL and myself polished off a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio and started on the Chateau Neuf de pape in a beautiful garden with lovely food and company, and my 7 month old grandaughter what more could you ask for bliss.................
« Last Edit: Wednesday 30 June 2010, 0908 by Lizzie »

Offline welshgalq8

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #43 on: Wednesday 30 June 2010, 0654 »
Mmmmm BBQ :D I feels the need for some BBQ minted lamb burgers and yogurt dressing. Going to make a move for tonight's tea  :P

Offline Che Guevaras Flip Flops

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Re: Porty's Guide To BBQ Cooking
« Reply #44 on: Thursday 01 July 2010, 1256 »
Owen the butchers do some gorgeous minted lamb burgers.  And Pork and sage ones.  Outstanding they are.